Lean on me Lyrics:

If ballads are "the perfect storm of self-expression," we had a monsoon tonight on "Glee." And hey, now that the real pregnancy is out in the open, maybe the fake pregnancy is soon to follow? Please? Pretty please?

The Crush: As a new rule, sectionals require each choir to perform a ballad, so Will pairs Glee clubbers off randomly to sing ballads to each other. Rachel draws Will's name out of the hat, and his obvious trepidation increases when she immediately pulls him into an "Endless Love" duet. Yikes. That's wiiildly inappropriate, and even more so when followed by a creepy stalker present: a tie with gold stars, so that "...every time you wear it you can think of me, and the star you're helping me become."

Emma can't really blame Rachel due to Will's "crushworthiness," but tries to help him out by suggesting that he sing his rejection to let Rachel down easy. (Spoiler alert: Our theme this week appears to be "sing your feelings with invariably disastrous results.") Seems Will's last stalker crush, Suzy Pepper (played to hilariously creepy perfection by Sarah Drew), tried to commit suicide by ultra-hot pepper when he confronted her. And I will cite that suicide method every time someone tries to take "Glee" too seriously.

Will chooses a mash-up of "Young Girl" and "Don't Stand So Close to Me," instructing Rachel to really, really listen to the lyrics. The mash-up definitely puts his message out there, but it's lost in translation. Rachel's take: "It means I'm very young, and it's hard for you to stand close to me." Emma's breathless take: "You're a very good performer." Basically, they might as well be throwing their panties at him.

After an after-the-fact-embarrassing night cooking and cleaning Will's apartment, and trying to serenade him with "Crush," Rachel gets some sense (and self-respect) talked into her by Suzy Pepper, now recovered from her esophagus transplant. Rachel gets the message, and brings Will some "Sorry I've been acting so crazy!" flowers. Ha! She's humiliated and upset, but Will does a great job of assuring her that there's some boy out there for her - someone who will love even the things she doesn't love about herself. Keep hope alive, ladies.

Babygate: In their ballad rehearsal, a relentlessly optimistic/opportunistic Kurt helps Finn get some of the baby-related stress off his chest by advising him to sing his feelings out in "I'll Stand By You" form. Kurt = The Best. But when Finn's mom busts him singing to a sonogram, she immediately figures out what's going on. As opposed to Quinn's mom, who had a tape measure around her stomach and apparently didn't sense anything amiss. ...Though if I've learned anything from watching "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant" on TLC, it's fairly common to unwittingly carry a baby to full term and then give birth in your pants, or in a toilet (actual examples, and yes, that show is bananas), so this is far from the worst case scenario.

Quinn is furious at Finn for telling his mom, but he's determined - after consulting with Kurt - that getting the secret out is for the best. And if he can do it in awkward, awkward song, all the better. At the Fabray's dinner table, after Quinn's dad Russell goes on about the Celibacy Club and Quinn's bright future (Side note: Quinn's dad is played by the same actor who played Logan's dad on "Gilmore Girls," so clearly he's got the "intimidating dad" market cornered.), Finn follows Kurt's plan and serenades them with "You're Having My Baby." Wow. Subtle. It's probably grounds for murder if you're Quinn, but it looks like she actually gets into it towards the end.

diannaagron_glee_290.jpgHer parents are understandably upset, though Quinn accuses her mom of already knowing (and seriously, how couldn't she?), but her dad goes beyond the understandable and throws Quinn out of the house. Finn's apparently perfect mom allows Quinn to crash at their place as long as she wants. Kurt is apologetic about his patently terrible plan, but Finn's just relieved there are no more secrets.

As Kurt emotionally tells Finn that the ballad he chose to sing to him is "I Honestly Love You," Mercedes interrupts to lure them to the choir room, where the Glee Club (even Puck!) serenades Finn and Quinn with "Lean On Me." Aww. True story: I had the "You can call on me, brother..." section as a solo in my fifth grade graduation. I'm pretty sure I was way better than Mercedes, based on my parents' reaction. Anyway, it's really sweet and great and supportive and I didn't tear up at all. Not one bit.




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