Slow your roll, Twin Cities

Last year, the Houston-based Innovative Beverage Group introduced Drank, "the world's first extreme relaxation beverage." The grape-flavored, lightly carbonated drink is infused with natural ingredients such as valerian root, melatonin, and rose hips--which induce a significant calming effect on the drinker--making it the ultimate anti-energy drink. Curious, then, that it's marketed toward the urban sect (it's packaged in a gaudy purple can emblazoned with the slogan "Slow Your Roll") and is stocked on the same shelves as energy drinks such as Red Bull and Rock Star. Unfortunately for Minnesotans--whose stereotypically passive-aggressive natures make for a lot of pent-up stress--Drank isn't yet widely available on local shelves, though a national sales agreement with 7-Eleven bodes for better days ahead. In the meantime, you can order it by the case online. Decider presents this list of types who could benefit from some extreme relaxation.

Sad-sack barflies
As any red-faced, bleary-eyed lush will tell you, those bar tabs can really add up. Sitting hunched over the bar and pouring beer after beer down your throat in an attempt to drown away the pain of your miserable, pathetic existence isn't cheap--even if you're drinking at a dive bar such as Palmer's. And life isn't made any more bearable by the sense of rejection that comes with being thrown out of a bar or the crushing realization that casual sex isn't just unfulfilling, it also amplifies the overwhelming feeling of loneliness you suffer through each and every day. Instead of wasting your life--and money--away at a bar, stay home and knock yourself out with a Drank. The beauty of the product is that it hits you hard and fast--so you'll be blissfully snoozing away before you even have the chance to cry yourself to sleep. Plus, you can't catch an STD from it.

College students
If you're one of the 99 percent of college students who puts off all academic work until the end of the semester, you're probably familiar with the plethora of pharmacy-approved speed at your disposal. Whether you're downing Adderall like they were Skittles or dealing with a Jessie Spano-style caffeine-pill addiction, your brain will be in overdrive and your heart rate hazardously hummingbird-esque by the third sleepless night. Too cranked up to get some much-needed shut-eye the night before your big exam? Sedate yourself--the natural way--with a Drank. You'll wake up the next morning feeling refreshed and ready to face the day's challenges, instead of feeling fucked out of your mind.

Hippies
If anyone's going to be resistant to a commercial means of chilling out, it's the granola-eating, tree-hugging, all-natural types. But Drank should not be dismissed as a frivolous alien emblem of processed, corporate evil. Don't be deceived by the electroshock-purple packaging--the contents of the beverage are in line with whatever dried goods and animal/gluten/dairy-free "edibles" ye hippie folk already have in the cupboard. In fact, Drank is as au naturale as your beloved valerian root tea, so get over the aggressive appearance and try this alternative option. If anything, it's cheaper and more legal than some of your other means to the same end.
The dance-party crowd
As anyone who has ever consumed a Red Bull and vodka (or even a coffee and a bloody Mary during brunch, for that matter) can attest, uppers and downers don't actually cancel each other out. Instead, they pull you in two opposite directions at once, resulting in a whole new level of fucked up. The dance-party crowd may still be lamenting the loss of their precious Sparks after MillerCoors LLC decided to remove the caffeine and taurine from the popular line of energy drinks last December, but the reformulated, alcohol-and-sugar-fueled drink still packs a punch. Pound a purple can of medicinal-flavored Drank immediately after guzzling an orange-and-silver can of tart-tasting Sparks for the ultimate double-fist drinking experience.


source : http://twincities.decider.com